Like I said in my lattest post, I’m not in the best phase of my life. I’ve been feeling a lot of anxiety and I know that it is affecting my health. I know that work shouldn’t affect me that much, that I shouldn’t take life so seriously. However, at this point, I’m not well psycologically. Physically I’m also not doing well, I’m constantly anxious and sleeping bad, but the worst is my state of mind and spirit. I can’t be in peace with myself or even to rest from work. I’m the type of person that wants to be proud of what I do and I like to be emotionally connected to things. Of course that in the case of a job, I want to be connected in a positive way. Unfortunately, that has not been the case. To work more than 60h per week, finishing working at midnight and get back to work at 8.30h hasn’t been easy. It this was just a phase or if I was doing something that I like, I would tolerate. The worst is that I’m being constantly watched, I feel that I have no privacy and that my personal space has been invaded (I even received several messages in my personal WhatsApp out of my work schedule). The work environment is not good. Even though the company has good conditions regarding the office and space and I have free breakfast, the fact that I work 9h per day minimum (the schedule is like this, is not me who decides to work 1 extra hour) and the fact that I can’t even listen to radio drives me nuts. Besides the fact that I don’t work with a good chief, that I’m not even talk about that.
I got to a point in which I realized that although I have a good income, the money I gain is not worth the time I lose working and the time I don’t have to spend with people and things that matter (like writing here), nor the time I don’t have to rest. The time lost won’t come back.
I realised that I had to leave. To me, a good customer service is one that serves well the client. It’s a matter of working well. Here, the idea is to work more. Working more than the others is not a synonym of working better (even though the words in Portuguese are similar). But here, that conclusion doesn’t appear in front of them. Therefore, I have to watch Facebook all the time because I have to answer by the second. But there are things you can’t answer right away, you have to check. So I give answers like “we’ll see”, “just a moment”, “tomorrow we speak”. And I’m not even telling you that I have tasks that are pretty much for 2 people or more. All by myself. To me, this is not the best way to work. I like to help people, to treat well clients. To me, working well doesn’t mean that I answer in X seconds (btw, they even control the time I spend to answer).
The funny thing is when I say I don’t have time to answer all the clients in all mediums (email, Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp) in seconds and they tell me it’s not a matter of time, that it doesn’t take time to write to a client. Sometimes I feel like I’m in a parallel dimension and not in the real world. Concluding, I’ve decided to leave this company. I don’t have yet a new job to go to, unfortunately, but since the contract ends in September, I decided not to renew it. I even asked to spend the vacations that I haven’t spend yet. I’m still working, it’s a fact, but I fell more relieved now. I’m still anxious about this question of the vacations, but better.
Believe me when I say this wasn’t an easy decision. To quit 2 jobs in the same year, when I have never made that before, made me think a lot of if it was the best decision to make. Sometimes I asked myself if I could endure this some more time, but I think that happiness and the opportunity to spend more time with whom I care and to be able to have more time to do the things I like spoke louder. I’m stuck to a demanding schedule in one job to which I’m not emotionally connected.
Now I’m focused in finding a new job, of course, and in doing the Camino de Santiago again. I’ve made it 2 years ago, alone (I’ll speak about that) and this time I’m going with a friend. It’s going to be speacial, because it’s going to be the first time she goes and because I know it’s something that will help me to see live again in another perspective and it will help me psycologically. The last time, the camino helped me to find peace. This time I also hope it will help. And in one funny coincidence, I went to a job interview in the beginning of this month and even though I didn’t get the job, I’ll make a service as a touristic guide (one of my dream jobs) in 3 cities and 1 of them is (guess what) Santiago de Compostela! It’s going to be a dream coming true, to be able to do professionally something I love and in of my favourite cities!
Stay tunned, for I will tell more news as soon as I have them!